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Evil Wins; Finally, all pretense aside, evil wins. You can't have all that evil in one place, and not expect payback.
Topic Started: Jan 19 2012, 07:00 AM (1,360 Views)
FollowtheLeader
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At last, evil wins.

The skies rain tears of sorrow down on a destroyed city.

Tears that cannot put out the raging fires, burning everything.

A city once filled with life, now only death rules.

There are those still moving, but they do not live, for they are dead.

The residents of HFIL broke free.

Power united, they broke free.

All differences cast aside for this grand task, they broke free, and finally, evil wins.

A large man with large, spiky, yellow-green hair stood among his fellow "villains".

They stood together, peering down at the subject of their hatred for so many years.

It was a man, bloody, broken, and motionless on the cracked and broken street.

His name was Goku, known as the savior of the earth, and he was dying.

Everyone he called friend was dying or dead.

Evil wins.

The large man leaned down and grabbed Goku by his head, lifting his tattered body high in the air, his trophy.

A tall, green figure stepped in closer.

"Well, Goku. I do believe there is an earth saying that fits this situation quite well. "All good things must come to an end!"

The large group of rogues let out evil, black-hearted laughter.

Their day had arrived. It might not have been a victory for any one of them, but a group victory was better than none.

Evil wins.

The large man, the Legendary Super Saiyan known as Broly, began to squeeze.

He squeezed harder and harder, till Goku's head caved in, brain matter and blood oozing out between Broly's fingers.

Broly charged up a blast, his large hand illuminated green.

BOOM! His blast went off. His hand untouched, Goku's head, or more acurately, what was left of it, was gone.

His headless corpse fell down with a hard thud.

"And so ends the "Mighty Super Saiyan". said another large figure, a mass of purple muscle and white bone, his red eyes curling in a smile.

The last hope for the known universe is dead.

After so many times of defying fate and death, they are all finally dead.

And they shall not return again.

Lord Slug has seen to that.

Namek, like Earth , lay in ruins.

And Porunga made use of.

Wishes of power, immortality, and complete and total victory.

Evil has won.

At last, the curtain may close, for evil has won.






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+ Pyrus
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This was short and pleasant.
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Copy_Ninja
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Novacane for the pain

Pretty good. I'd be interested to read a full story of this, but I still liked it.
Posted ImageWe'll never be those kids again
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FollowtheLeader
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ObsessiveFanGuy
Jan 19 2012, 09:18 AM
This was short and pleasant.


Luke_93
Jan 19 2012, 09:51 AM
Pretty good. I'd be interested to read a full story of this, but I still liked it.


:blush: Daw, c'mon, fellas, you're just saying that.
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No, it was a nice story. I could follow along and everything. I'd like to see a full story if you decide to do one, or a sequel/prequel somehow.
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Valtus3200
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I like everything written here, except (and this is just me nit-picking) the use of the word "destroyed" and how it's used in the second line. It just sounds... off. I'm sure you can see what I'm talking about, especially when sounded out loud.

Maybe instead of "destroyed," you could replace it with "shattered," or, "broken," or even "a city that lay in shambles."

Everything else is pretty good, I got some nice mental imagery of a certain Earth raised Saiyan's brains all over Broly's hands. XD
Posted Image

Nothing's safe, nothing's sacred. This isn't your earth anymore, the apocalypse was only the beginning...

Sequential Revolution
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FollowtheLeader
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Valtus3200
Jan 26 2012, 01:30 PM
I like everything written here, except (and this is just me nit-picking) the use of the word "destroyed" and how it's used in the second line. It just sounds... off. I'm sure you can see what I'm talking about, especially when sounded out loud.

Maybe instead of "destroyed," you could replace it with "shattered," or, "broken," or even "a city that lay in shambles."

Everything else is pretty good, I got some nice mental imagery of a certain Earth raised Saiyan's brains all over Broly's hands. XD
Thank you. It's nice to see everyone has a mind open enough to see that the villains should win.
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Valtus3200
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Well, if that's how things end up, that does suck. As a story teller, I don't generally like villainy to "win," though, if an ending is depressing, but it fits, then there are ways to pull it off.
Posted Image

Nothing's safe, nothing's sacred. This isn't your earth anymore, the apocalypse was only the beginning...

Sequential Revolution
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FollowtheLeader
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Valtus3200
Jan 26 2012, 10:07 PM
Well, if that's how things end up, that does suck. As a story teller, I don't generally like villainy to "win," though, if an ending is depressing, but it fits, then there are ways to pull it off.
Well come on, man. Can't have the "good guys" all the time.
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Valtus3200
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No, no they can't always win... but, and this comes from Donald Maass, even with the most depressing ending, you have to show a glimmer of happiness in the end for it to work. People get depressed if a story ends really badly. Not to say yours does this, since, quite obviously, this is what the story was meant to deliver, but if DBZ ended like this, every Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, [insert name here] fan would have **** them selves with nerd rage.
Posted Image

Nothing's safe, nothing's sacred. This isn't your earth anymore, the apocalypse was only the beginning...

Sequential Revolution
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Jamason
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SSj3 Goten

Bravo.. This was super good. You've inspired me lol.. Finally someone writes something involving a villians victory in DBZ that was good..
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Jamason
Jan 27 2012, 04:10 AM
Bravo.. This was super good. You've inspired me lol.. Finally someone writes something involving a villians victory in DBZ that was good..
Thank you.
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Megasaiyan
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Osz Karoly Szilard

Well, this is what I wrote on your fanfiction.net page so I shall copy-paste it here as well:

When I came here I expected another fanfic( good or bad, it doesn't matter, it's not the point here)but instead I came across with some sort of poetry, which I have to admit, it's rather unusual; to read a DBZ poem. I never thought that someone would actually write such thing of DBZ. I guess I was too used of reading fanfics, which people mostly write of DBZ. Nevertheless, it is very well written and I must admit this is the first time I read anything where the heroes are actually defeated by the forces of evil. It's something new and I congratulate you for that. It's about time they actually fall for real this time. Sometime's it's good for evil to actually win. Too much happy ending has become monotonous.
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Optimus Banana
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Valtus3200
Jan 27 2012, 03:19 AM
No, no they can't always win... but, and this comes from Donald Maass, even with the most depressing ending, you have to show a glimmer of happiness in the end for it to work. People get depressed if a story ends really badly. Not to say yours does this, since, quite obviously, this is what the story was meant to deliver, but if DBZ ended like this, every Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, [insert name here] fan would have **** them selves with nerd rage.
Maybe make it similiar to the Future Gohan story.
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FollowtheLeader
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Valtus3200
Jan 27 2012, 03:19 AM
No, no they can't always win... but, and this comes from Donald Maass, even with the most depressing ending, you have to show a glimmer of happiness in the end for it to work. People get depressed if a story ends really badly. Not to say yours does this, since, quite obviously, this is what the story was meant to deliver, but if DBZ ended like this, every Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, [insert name here] fan would have **** them selves with nerd rage.


SAD FOR THEEEEMM!!!
Megasaiyan
Feb 28 2012, 07:59 PM
Well, this is what I wrote on your fanfiction.net page so I shall copy-paste it here as well:

When I came here I expected another fanfic( good or bad, it doesn't matter, it's not the point here)but instead I came across with some sort of poetry, which I have to admit, it's rather unusual; to read a DBZ poem. I never thought that someone would actually write such thing of DBZ. I guess I was too used of reading fanfics, which people mostly write of DBZ. Nevertheless, it is very well written and I must admit this is the first time I read anything where the heroes are actually defeated by the forces of evil. It's something new and I congratulate you for that. It's about time they actually fall for real this time. Sometime's it's good for evil to actually win. Too much happy ending has become monotonous.


Thank you. Just...thank you.
Posted Image
But..its not really a poem.
Optimus Banana
Feb 28 2012, 09:11 PM
Valtus3200
Jan 27 2012, 03:19 AM
No, no they can't always win... but, and this comes from Donald Maass, even with the most depressing ending, you have to show a glimmer of happiness in the end for it to work. People get depressed if a story ends really badly. Not to say yours does this, since, quite obviously, this is what the story was meant to deliver, but if DBZ ended like this, every Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, [insert name here] fan would have **** them selves with nerd rage.
Maybe make it similiar to the Future Gohan story.

Nope. No hope. Evil wins.
Edited by FollowtheLeader, Feb 28 2012, 10:06 PM.
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